Work is personal
Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is protecting themselves, not you.
Two women in two different meetings wept with me yesterday.
Both of them - under two very different set of circumstances - were finding their long tenures at their organizations coming to a close.
Both of them had given 10+ years to their organizations, in progressively more demanding roles, taking on leadership and change management, and huge volumes of highly visible work during the times when they were also raising small kids and holding a family and a career together.
Over the years, both of them had been trusted with hiring, training, managing and even terminating other employees, some of the most critical and hardest tasks that happen at work. They were promoted again and again.
And both of them were being marginalized, first slowly, and then all at once. Their jobs were not being eliminated - someone would be brought in to replace them in both cases. Rather, their fit in the roles they had crafted and excelled at was being called into question, and then ultimately, it was decided it was best to part ways.
They are confused, hurt, humiliated.
Both of them are being not to take this experience personally.
I cringe when I hear: “Don’t take this personally.”
Whenever I hear it, I hear someone saying: “It would be easier on me if you weren’t upset. Your feelings are big and too intense for me right now. The more you allow yourself to feel something ‘negative’, the more I start feeling simultaneously responsible for this and incapable of knowing what to do around your strong reaction. If you don’t take this personally, I’m spared.”
“Don’t take this personally,” isn’t advice, it’s self protection.
You can say that organizational needs have changed, that we need a different set of skills or experiences in this role given this directional change, that we have to cut costs quickly...
You can even coach towards taking a broad career-lens, offer a perspective of your own career disappointments, share that you believe there will be great opportunities ahead and that with time, this will be less hurtful...
... but please don't tell people not to take work personally.
We spend more time working than we do on nearly any other activity in our lives. We give our efforts, energy, time and commitment through work. We give of ourselves, we become more sure of ourselves, we stretch ourselves and grow into ourselves at work... of course it's personal.
